my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
