I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
Someone signed my nipple.
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