My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
