drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize