Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
Randomize
