Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
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