Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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