we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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