also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
