So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
