I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Randomize
