Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
My dick has a subreddit
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
