dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
Randomize