They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
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