i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
Randomize
