just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Randomize
