I just cut my nipple shaving
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
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