is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Randomize