Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Randomize
