I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize