Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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