i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Randomize
