I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
We smell like vodka and hangover
Randomize
