Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
handjob tips. give me some.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
Randomize
