i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
