I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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