i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Randomize
