i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Randomize
