oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
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