Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
