Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
God gave him joint rollers for hands
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
He did a backflip because drugs
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