We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Randomize
