tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
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