Acid is not a monday night drug
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
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