i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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