how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
Randomize
