Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
Randomize
