Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
