: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
