I think I just saw someone hide a body.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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