i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
