1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
Randomize
