Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
