I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
