Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
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