Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize