last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
Randomize
