I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Randomize
