So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Randomize
