Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
