Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
