Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
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