??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
so much tequila, so little girl.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
