I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
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