so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
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