honey bunches of taint.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
