i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
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