using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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