I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
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