apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
