Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
Randomize
